Today is Monday what do i even say to you? i mean there isn’t anything to say other than you are someone I could fall for completely and I don’t find many people that bring out those feelings in me anymore and so of course I am here became I can be here, because you allow me to feel something rare and extraordinary. Something I have been chasing my whole life. It’s a bad habit, I got this sweet tooth, but only for the really really shit, and once I get a taste, I’m hooked. This usually ends up with me fucking my life, abandoning I’ve built for myself in order to chase something that feels like heaven, fleeting and ever present., close but you can’t quite touch. And I want to touch and taste and breath you in and have you fill my bloodstream with dizziness, wonder, and I’m really really happy. I throw away my life because I want something more than this. Something more than I need to go to class in 5 minutes and brush my teeth and I sleep alone in a bed that’s big enough for both of us or if not you, someone who erases you. Until then, I’ll make my little advancement, try and figure out some way of making you want me the way I want you, because it is scary being so vulnerable , I have to retain some control because I am afraid of letting a feeling decide my actions. I am capable of feeling too much and so I shut you out, I prevent this from being real so I don’t have to deal with the possibility of you actually wanting this to be real because then I’d be fucked. I try to focus on other things because thinking about you is creepy and pointless, but I can’t stop for more than a day or two because you are so much more vivid than everyone else. Softer, sweeter, more illumination, how could I ever be truly satisfied with anything less? I have this big problem I really can’t settle for second best. So hear I am . There’s not really much of a choice.

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